You're It

Our two circle me in the field at Kanawha plaza in the winter night. It's a strangely wide open circle in the middle of tall buildings. Justin says that it's lovely but it's obviously been redesigned to prevent people from sleeping there. It's bright and exposed.

I remember Occupy and I was only 5 weeks pregnant and throwing up every morning before going to student teach at the high school. I wanted to camp out at Kanawah but I knew I would have to leave at 6 in the morning to get to school on time and I didn't want to be puking in the dark, in the cold, in a park.

"Let's play hide and seek!" Shea says now, spinning in the middle of new Kanawah, still not able to say the "S" sound fully, running in circles in the wide open field, with nowhere to hide. He was my five week old pregnancy in that cold September; now he's almost five years old.

"Let's play hide and seek and chase and tag duck duck goose!" All I know about the rules is that running is involved and laughing, and some "I got you!" And then there is wrestling and "Nat is getting hurt!" And then more running and then a huge empty fountain, built like a pyramid. "Can I climb it?"

Justin and I answer at the exact same time: I say, "No, absolutely not." "Yes, If I spot you," Justin says.

Shea chooses to hear Justin. He is triumphant but he always wants more. "Can I walk out on top?"

"No, absolutely not," Justin says.

We play at the James Center, the reindeer are there but not yet lit. Nat w

aves to the reindeer and says, "bye bye!"

Just two years ago, I collapsed to my knees near one of these reindeer, at 38 weeks pregnant, with a tearing muscle feeling from my round ligament, and then very regular contractions. Passers by stared at me. Justin and Shea were dancing and looking at the lights. I told them to keep going, I was fine. I was on my knees but I didn't want to mess up Shea's Christmas. He was my only priority at that point. The regular contractions, the fact that my round ligament pain made it hard to breathe; none of that seemed to matter in the moment. Shea had been looking forward to seeing the lights. Justin walked me back to the car and Shea wanted me to carry him and it was so hard to say no. We called

the midwife but the contractions started to ease off as the pain in my round ligament became more sustainable and not such sharp traumatic pain.

There was ibuprofren and heat pads and lots of Christmas movies for Shea, and at my blessingway, I could barely stand up, but I did anyway for some reason.

I did stretches and chiropractor and the round ligament pain went away and then Nat turned posterior and was born that way. My little sunny side up guy. When the contractions started back up again, I woke up with them at 5am, 5 minutes apart. When Shea woke up that sunny December morning, we played hide and seek during contractions.

Nat waves bye bye to the reindeer and I think, you've met these guys before.

Now they run, weaving in and out of each other, Nat at the outer edges of babyhood, laughing and giggling in mittens and a coat. "Hide and seek," Shea tags me as he runs past. "You're it, Mommy!"

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